TOP 5: DUDE, WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL WITH YOUR FANS?


I was given this idea via the 9B readership and I thought it would be a fun one to do. This weeks Top 5 goes out to all those with a following so obnoxious/weird/what have you that there’s nothing you can do but avoid them. Yes, your Top 5: Dude, what’s the fucking deal with your fans. Have fun with it and don’t take it seriously enough to get offended by it! For my list, I am gonna color outside of the musical line that largely defines the site. So here goes (in an order):

5) Reverend Horton Heat: Now, I can only speak about the RHH fanbase that attends shows here in the Tampa Bay area but I have to say…they’re the fucking worst. Seriously. I’ve posted about it before and I’ll quote myself now; “Fuck you Tampa/St. Pete Reverend Horton Heat fans. As a collective, y’all suck. It’s like a fucking amateur night at the Apollo with y’all…”  There. I said it. I pretty much refuse to go to Reverend shows now cause the crowd is such a collection of can’t hold their liquor dipshits and it’s a real shame cause he brings some fantastic openers to town.

4) Juggalos: I was recently made aware of the fact that the whole “juggalo thing” wasn’t just an Insane Clown Posse thing but that there is an entire genre of music centered around Juggaloism. Also, it simply could be me showing my age that they’re included on my list but seriously…..what. the. fuck. Clowns? Fago? I dunno man. I try to be open minded but there is some shit I just can’t get….Juggalo’s you’re one of them.

3) Mac fanatic: Okay, 5 years ago this could have been Linux fanatic, when they were trying to put Linux on anything with a fucking pcb board. “Dude, check out my new electric toothbrush….I managed to get an old version of Debian to boot on it”….Now, it’s the fucking Mac jackoffs. Any mention of a computer problem on the internet brings down a chorus of “get a Mac” comments. Fuck you. Apple isn’t flawless, I have a god damned iPhone, I know. And for the record, my laptop running windows 7 has never crashed. Not once. So eat a dick. You want a closed box sold by a company that treats you like the enemy? Good for you but it’s not something you should be so smug about.

2) Texas: Okay. I’m sure Mr. Romeo is already penning a reply but hear me out. I’ve been to Texas. It’s a browner (the land, not the people) version of Florida w/Mexican food instead of Cuban food and trust me…that’s a step or two down. Your “Don’t Mess With Texas” slogan came from an anti-littering campaign and ultimately The Alamo was fought because the American’s in the Mexican owned territory believed it was their God given right to own slaves in spite of it being against Mexican law. I guess what I am saying is, its cool to be proud of where you’re from. Hell, I get it that, but you fuckers take it to a whole other level so stand down. No more, “that’s right, you’re not from Texas” until the Texans or the Cowboys win an important game.

1) Florida Gator Football: AHHHHHHH Gator fan. Fuck you. Anyone who has ever had to sit in a sports bar with Gator fan in shaking their head yes right now. There may be a more annoying football fan on earth, Philadelphia Eagle fan immediately springs to mind, but you’d be hard pressed to find one worse. These fuckers all went out and bought Denver Bronco Tim Tebow jerseys. I mean, really, what more needs to be said. They went and bought up his jersey despite not being Broncos fans so he’d have the best selling jersey. They’re ridiculous. Steve Spurrier ultimately left because of them. Even in the 90’s when FSU went 7-4-1 (and let’s be real, the and 1 was essentially a win for FSU) Florida fan was unwilling to even acknowledge that there was a team up in Tallahassee. Florida fan is a twat who can usually be spotted in Jean shorts and crocs…enjoy getting beaten by FSU and Alabama this year fuckos.

There you go. That’s my Top 5. Honerable mentions that I couldn’t include: “I can’t believe they’re remaking ________ movie from my childhood” guy, Soccer guy, Obscure music scene snob guy and Ed Hardy/Affliction/Tap Out Guy. So, let’s hear yours…

This song is included for a few reasons; (a) It allows the mp3 aggregators to pick up the post. (b) It’s freaking hilarious & (c) Tiger Woods and all his drama. It comes from Dan’s new album, Live In Los Angeles. There will be a complete write up coming in the next few weeks.

Dan Bern – Tiger Woods

48 thoughts on “TOP 5: DUDE, WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL WITH YOUR FANS?”

  1. Cool, I didn’t know he had a live album coming. Fantastic track but it appears the mp3 link is not working properly.

  2. Let me begin by saying that I do like the Reverend Horton Heat. Jim Heath is an damn fine guitar player and the band has put some really great music. With that said, I will just say that seeing them sandwiched between Nashville Pussy and Motorhead was damn near a buzzkill for an hour or so. Thankfully, Motorhead kicked nine kinds of ass as Motorhead do.

    Never been to Texas, but I will definitely go with Cuban food over Mexican food. I miss my trips to Miami and it’s been a long time since I’ve had real Cuban food. As far as Texas goes, I still like ZZ Top and am waiting for the days when my Cowboys don’t completely crap out.

    Off the top of my head…

    Kiss fans – Kiss were pretty much the soundtrack to my early years and my true introduction to music. Eventually I grew out of them other than the occasional bout of nostalgia and the need to hear Ace Frehley’s guitar. Seeing the ’96 reunion tour, I was convinced that some of the people in the audience think that Gene Simmons can really spew fire and fly. It made me feel like one of the old guys in the balcony on the Muppet Show ripping on everything.

    Slayer fans – Like the band a lot, but some of these fuckers are just a little too into it to the point of being comedic. It’s also true of those extreme metal Satan boys. You’re not a fucking vampire, you’re not in league with the devil and the music you listen to sounds like the Cookie Monster with a head cold. Get over it.

  3. 1. Fuckin hipsters.
    If you’ve ever been to East Atlanta Village, you know what I’m talking about. Girls who look like 1980’s school marms and guys who look like 1970’s pornstars/child molesters. They don’t bother to show up for the opening bands and talk through the headliners, because really, they’re just there to be seen. I drink PBR because it’s the beer that tastes closest to water when my usual $7+ high gravity craft beers aren’t available. These guys treat it like a religion.
    http://www.latfh.com/

    2. Gators fans.
    I know, I know, UGA fans are pretty obnoxious, but Gator fans are way worse. And they wear jean shorts.

    3. Northerners/Canadians (no offense Aimz)
    Just because we do things a little different down here doesn’t mean you’re better than us. And we’re not dumb just cause we talk a little slower. Chances are, I don’t have a clue what the hell you’re saying either. I’m also gonna include the Jersey shore types in this.

    4. Technology crazed people.
    I have no problem with people who have an iphone. I have a problem with people who have an iphone who stood in line for 8 hours to get a new iphone. Is it really necessary to be the first one to have every new gadget?

    5. Frat guys/sorostitutes
    I went to UGA so I definitely got my fill of these. Guys with their wornout baseball caps, khaki shorts and leather flip flops. Girls with their inappropriately short for any situation dresses with stilettos. Always very drunk and loud. Please don’t yell out “Freebird” at every show you go to. Someone wrote a great blog about that, btw.

    Honorable Mention: Sucky Lucero fans
    I have no problem with the hardcore fans who sing/yell every word. Hell, I’m one of them. I hate the fuckers who wait til 5 minutes before the set, push to the front, then try to start a mosh pit, stage dive, crowd surf, etc. The last Atlanta Lucero show gave me a gift of broken glasses and bruised ribs. I about started a fight with a kid at the last Macon show. I’ve found that I spend more time trying to protect myself and keep the assholes from smashing into me that I don’t enjoy the shows anymore. I’ve finally given in and am moving to the back of the crowd. Sad day.

  4. @Brit

    hahaha oh the hipsters of EAV! I almost even miss them..

    The last Lucero show in Atlanta was fucking terrible, all of those people pissed me the fuck off! I almost started punching

  5. Nice.

    5. Grateful Dead – I might even like some Grateful Dead if I could hear it without the Deadhead Fan context. Like everything else on this list the “thing” may or may not be valid or interesting but I can’t even give it a chance. And like everything else not all fans ruin it for me. Some of my most trusted musical buddies swear by the Dead. But as soon as I hear those noodley notes I think of all the terrible Dead cover bands and twirling idiots.

    4. Crowded House/ Neil Finn – I’ve been a longtime big fan but waiting in line with some of these people is like touring the 4th level of hell. These are the peope that fawn at their heroes every move but won’t listen to an opener at all.

    3. “Anything But Country” – You know those people. If it has a fiddle or a pedal steel it must be shit. But somehow they will listen to the Eagles. WTF?

    2. Wine – I live in an area cluttered by wine snobs. Many tourists come out here to go wine tasting and I know too many snobby pricks that look down their noses at the people that are just out to have a good time and try some wine. Sad when one person digs a $10 bottle of wine but a Wine Fan has to tell them how dull the bottle is because of the time that crop was picked that year blah blah blah. And god forbid you drink whiskey or beer in front of them.

    1. God – Yeah God. I could get into it but the fans ruin it for me. I really think that Christianity in general (and Mormonism, Jehovahs Witness, Islamic Faiths, etc etc) does a mass disservice to their rock star but pushing him on people. Nothing worse then someone telling you how great their thing is and how everything you like sucks. Or worse yet if you aren’t into the thing they are into you are going to hell. Shitty. Of course this gets in the way of people checking out the deity of choice as well as giving a bad name to other true believers. So way to go fans of God, ruin it for everyone.

    Dishonorable mentions to Metal – “If it’s not Metal it’s weak!” Punk – “If it’s not Punk it’s corporate!” Scottish – “If it’s not Scottish it’s crap” and all Sports Fans that use the word “we” as in “oh we kicked your ass last night, too bad your starting pitcher throws like a girl”.

  6. Let’s get my list out of the way before I tear AIV a new one for the Texas comment 😉

    1) Mac Fanboys: AIV didn’t put this one in the top slot but it’s my top slot item. I am a Linux geek for a living and you know what I install on all of my friends’ and family’s computers? Windows. Sure I am that guy AIV mentioned who installed Debian on his toothbrush but I am that guy with a certain set of friends who appreciates that guy. I am not the guy with the iPhone who drags his phone out every chance he gets to show off something or another when someone pulls their phone out TO MAKE A PHONE CALL. Maybe I should have said iPhone fanboys because those ‘tards make me twitch. I love my Android phone and when recommending a phone I do recommend ‘droid but it’s not because it’s Linux it’s because AT&T sucks (they’re the only iPhone provider) and Windows Mobile frankly blows chunks (yes that’s the technical term). Let an iPhone fanboy hear someone recommend a ‘droid and see what they do. I usually just ask them how they have to hold their new phone to actually make a call.

    2) White Gangstas: I can appreciate that some white kids grew up in a bad part of town and they are just living their culture but I can’t stand eighteen year old bleached blonde boy driving daddy’s Escalade with spinners bumping some chopped and screwed track thinking he’s cool because he stole his momma’s lean and has a roach in the ash tray. I can’t stand them. I want to stab people when I am stuck beside one of these morons in traffic. I want to stab them, set their daddy’s car on fire and dance around their corpse giggling at them. There’s nothing hard about sporting your daddy’s vehicle and a stereo system that cost more than what ever community college you managed to get into with the grades you fucked in high school trying to smoke dope and take tests because you thought you were cool.

    3) Anyone who sags and bags: I don’t need to see any other dude’s drawers. Period. Full Stop. I don’t care if you are wearing Dickies buy a belt. Pull up your fucking pants already douchebag. Stop cocking up one pant leg (yes they still do that here), pull up your pants and maybe you could manage to cross the street in a single cycle of the traffic lights. And grabbing your waistband like you are packing something isn’t impressive either. If your pants can’t say up enough to cover your ass they can’t hold up a gun you moron. Please remember, idiot, that Texas issues CHLs and I don’t have to hold up my pants because I own a belt so they would support a concealed handgun and legally so at that. Oh yeah toss in all those morons who leave the tags and stickers on the ball caps with this group because they usually are one and the same.

    4) Houston Drivers: I hate all of you. I hate you during rush hour. I hate you at lunch time. I just hate you. In a city that averages more rainfall than Seattle you’d think that the residents would understand how to drive in that rain. Oh no! A single raindrop can turn a freeway moving 65 miles an hour into a dead standstill in less than a minute. It doesn’t snow here. It doesn’t freeze hard enough to ice the bridges except maybe once a decade and we all stay home when that happens anyway so why can’t any of you idiots drive in the rain? You suck in general and don’t understand right of way, merge, or so many other common traffic issues that it’s no shock to me. I love my city but oh do I hate every one of you sons of bitches with a drivers license.

    5) Underage kids at shows: I have almost stopped going to all ages venues because apparently not being old enough to drink means you act like a complete idiot. It’s not enough that I have to deal with drunks my age who can’t handle their booze and occasionally start some shit but I have to deal with screaming eighteen year olds who think their God’s gift to the scene because they can finally get into shows. No you little immature fucktard I wasn’t looking at your girlfriend and you are welcome to take it outside I hope you don’t get lonely. If you are under 21 in Texas and can mind your manner then by all means go to shows but if you have to act like a girl from the 60’s at a Beatles show then stay home and certainly don’t bring your girl with you. The band isn’t impressed your screaming obscenities between songs and neither is your girl. And some of us want to curb stomp you for trying to mosh to bands like Lucero so mind yourself because one day one of us might actually snap.

    And @AIV. I’ll just let Ray Wylie do my talking for me:

    Screw You, We’re From Texas

    You can think what you like about us Texans but to be honest we are one of the last states with a real identity left. Of course Florida is right there with us on having an identity so I have to give credit where it’s due. But truly son you ain’t SEEN Texas. Austin ain’t Texas by a long shot. Dallas ain’t Texas. Houston ain’t Texas. Texas is much more than the places it’s the people, it’s an attitude, it’s what we do when no one is looking. I know you don’t understand it and most people who aren’t from here don’t and that’s alright. We’ll keep on doin’ what we do. And if you don’t think we have Cuban food you just ain’t been to the right joint brother. And one final little correction for you. Slavery was legal in Texas when the Alamo was fought. In fact it was the only place in Mexico where it was. Now the laws had wavered on allowing slavery without restriction to no MORE slaves coming in but allowing the owners to keep the ones they had and so on but it was legal. In fact if you read the writings from the time you will find that it wasn’t on the radar as an issue. It may have sparked some of the initial sentiment but by the time Santa Anna got to the Alamo it wasn’t even remotely about slavery any longer. In fact slavery was legal in Florida with no restrictions right up until 1845 just like it was in Texas. Wait the phone is ringing. What? Hey kettle, it’s the pot for you. 😛 All in good fun brother. All in good fun.

  7. Hell, I loved Texas. Met lot’s of great people out there.

    Regardless, here is my list

    1. Jimmy Buffett: In VA we have a Parrothead license plates….what the hell does Buffett have to do with Virginia? I will say I do admire how Buffett gives (what I consider) better songwriters and performers lots of breaks like Todd Snider and Will Kimbrough….but I just can’t get behind the parrothead thing

    2. Solidworks fanboys: This is way of the reservation but in my dayjob I hate these fuckers. Worse than MAC fanboys in my opinion

    3. Music Snobs: Granted I am one but I hate the people who think they are better than you cause they listen to “insert band name here”. Especially the “I was into _________ back when they were unsigned” guy.

    4. Beer Snobs: Sorry brit, but I went through a stage where I tried a bunch of different beers and never thought most of them were worth the money. Some were downright disgusting. I have come to accept I enjoy cheap beer.

    5. “Old Time” music fans: I don’t know if this is as big a deal in other parts of the country, but around here there are “Old Time” music adherents who are damn quick to point out they like/play “Old Time” and not bluegrass, and how much better it is than bluegrass. Fuck if it’s got a banjo and beat who cares.

  8. Oooh I should’ve included Atlanta drivers.

    Matt – I will totally admit to being a beer snob. Fortunately there are much more obnoxious beer snobs out there than me. I encourage others to drink craft beer (support small business!) but I don’t try to force my tastebud numbing IPAs on anyone else (except maybe AIV). I agree that it’s ridiculous what I pay for beer sometimes but I write it off as a hobby.

  9. Crap. I forgot to list Bendovers. That totally would’ve been a top 5. Girls who go to shows just to try to sleep with the band.

  10. Florida State Seimnole Football: AHHHHHHH Noles fans. Fuck you. Anyone who has ever had to sit in a sports bar with a Seminole fan is shaking their head yes right now. There may be a more annoying football fan on earth, Dallas Cowboys fan immediately springs to mind, but you’d be hard pressed to find one worse. These fuckers all went out and bought Atlanta Falcons Deon Sanders jerseys. I mean, really, what more needs to be said. They went and bought up his jersey despite not being Falcons fans so he’d have the best selling jersey. They’re ridiculous. Bobby Bowden ultimately left because of them. Even in the 2000’s when UF went 8-5 under the Zooker’s command, Florida State fans were unwilling to even acknowledge that there was a team down in Gainesville. A Florida State fan is a twat who can usually be spotted in a polo shirt and khakis doing the tomahawk chop…enjoy getting beaten by UF and Miami this year fuckos.

  11. This is all in good fun by the way. I think Gator fans and Nole fans have the same view of each other. The only difference is which side you are on.

  12. Great topic for a list. No time to elaborate but wanted to get my 5 out there while it’s still fresh…

    1. Boston fans (celtics, red sox, patriots, bruins)
    2. Dave Matthews Band fans
    3. Phish fans – like deadheads only more pathetic
    4. Tea Partiers – open your minds folks
    5. Prog rock fans – lasers, spaceships, and dungeons and dragons in your mothers basement.

  13. Good stuff everyone. I’m gonna take the easy way out and only list my biggest one. I’m sure I could think of five if I wanted, but one sticks out big for me lately. Romeosidvicious touched on it in his #5…

    1) Fuckers that yell shit between songs at a concert: I don’t know what’s up lately, but it seems like in the past two years or so this has become absolutely fucking widespread. I mean, it’s certainly always happened, but either I’m getting old or this shit has gotten ridiculous lately. I just don’t get it. What are you trying to accomplish? Are you just looking for attention from the guy on stage? Are you trying to look cool to your fellow concert-goers who paid good money to see a show? Do you wanna be part of the show? What the hell do you want? Someone please enlighten me. It annoys the shit out of me. Especially when it’s a solo acoustic show and the artist has to stop the show and tell people to shut the fuck up. I have a theory that places the blame on reality television (you know, everyone thinks they can be famous now), but I won’t expound on that here.

  14. 1. Boston Red Sox fans – I only realized about fours years ago that I liked baseball. I feel like it could’ve happened a long time ago if, while growing up in New England, I’d not been completely overwhelmed & put-off by the institution that is Red Sox Fandom.

    2. The I’m-With-the-Band “Fan”/”Friends” – I appreciate a guest-list spot as much as anyone, and I have many musician friends and continuously make more, but lately I’ve been seeing a lot of people that come as a friend of a performer and then typically talk over their sets and make a scene about how cool they are to be “with” the band. Or make a big deal about not getting that guest-list spot, when, if they’re such a friend, they should be *supporting* said friend.
    As a side note to this – audience talkers suck in general, but I think the worst is when other musicians do it.

    3. I’m going with Truersound on the beer snobs, and add to that food snobs in general (and not even *snobs* so much as those who can’t just live and let live). I’m willing to try things on most occasions, but I know what I like and I don’t care if you think it’s boring or gross or watery. I enjoy many other beers, but Pabst is my beer of choice. Hard alcohol? Whiskey as either a straight shot or a Shit Weasel, or a shot of Fernet & a ginger back. The only wine I drink is champagne. I prefer plain cheese pizza. Burritos usually contain only beans, cheese, and rice. Salads should be dry (no, not even oil & vinegar). You’re not eating or drinking it, so shut up.

    4. Star Wars Fanatics – Similar to the Red Sox thing… I’ve never seen any of the Star Wars Films – they are amongst many, many other movies that I “should” have seen by now. I have no desire to watch them still, thanks.

    got to get back to work at the moment, but I’m sure I’ll be back with a fifth item later…

  15. Austin Lucas is not shy about telling you to shut the fuck up! It is really annoying when people talk through acoustic sets

  16. as a comedian, whose name i cant remember, said ‘for everyone with an iphone – you didn’t invent the fucking thing!’
    smug mac bastards

  17. One of my Mini bartenders the other day said that “iphones are the new yawn,” meaning that they’re contagious. As soon as one person at the bar pulls one out, everyone else down the bar seems to feel the need to check theirs as well. it’s like dominoes. I, personally, have nothing against them – I just love my BlackBerry and my inexpensive T-Mobile.

  18. Haley, great Pee Wee reference. AIV, the Juggalos thing had me laughing out loud. I remember seeing something on TV a couple of years ago about the Insane Clown Posse’s little annual Juggalo convention…the highlight being when they shower everyone with Faygo. Maybe I’m too old or maybe I’ve got a college diploma, but I can’t see anything appealing about ICP. It’s too funny to hate, though.

  19. Ahahhaha Haley I had forgotten about that! The creepy dudes behind us! Austin shushed me once between songs at another show (I told my hubby not to drink anymore whiskey or something)and I’ve been scared of him ever since. I told him that once and he laughed at me and said that’s what I get for talking.

    I don’t have a problem with people talking during tuning or between songs but it’d be nice if they’d stop before the next song started.

  20. @AdHoff Ive seen that ICP thing before too!

    You wanna know what really grinds my gears with Mac fanboys? The people who put the Apple sitckers on their cars! That would be like me throwing a fucking Maytag sticker on the back of mine

  21. 1. This might be a west coast thing but Trader Joes fans blow. They act like that grocery store invented the combination of quality and value. The local liberal weekly actually blamed the high concentration of Republicans in Spokane as the reason for not having a Trader Joes. This post will not get any defensive responses because those who are straight gay for this grocery store know how insufferable they are.

    BTW I am using my Ipad to write this while banging the chick I picked up with when I offered her an opportunity to update her Facebook on it while riding the bus. Thank you apple.

  22. #1 Stuck up southern college town hipsters who act like they are in Brooklyn all the time. Get over it, they would pick on you in Williamsburg, and they already stopped listening to the bands that your garage band is ripping off. Accept the fact that you are from the swamp (being a redneck with an education is badass so own it!), and stop thinking Athens Ga is the center of the indie-rawk universe; it isn’t. But thanks for paying the $5 and buying me a scotch.

  23. @WhiskeyT the “we’ thing with sports fans drives me crazy.

    I’m a proud beer snob. If you like cheap beer that’s fine but i’ll happily point you towards something in the same style that’s tastier and not made by a shitty corporation. It’s the difference between a good restaurant and an Applebee’s.

    I hate the guy yelling obscure song requests at the show. We get it that you like the band but you know they don’t want to and/or aren’t going to play that. It’s like the asshole that starts requesting Darby’s Song at a Lucero show.

    Seconded the idiots who starts pits at non metal/punk shows. just stop.

    Hipsters. no details needed.

  24. If we could get rid of the following groups of fans, I would be able to die in peace.

    Toby Keith/Big and Rich fans
    Notre Dame fans (every fan ever)
    U2 fans

  25. @Truersound when I was visting Colorado I met a bunch of people who hated Georgia, and still come across them from time to time.

    @Romeosidvicious – do you hate me? or does it not count since Im not from here

  26. RE: the beer. I can understand wanting to support the non-corporates….I just want to do it for around $6 a sixer

    Sometimes I think (hell I know) companies price mediocre beer at a certain price point to give it a certain prestige amongst the other craft beers. There is a real pecking order to beer prices, and no-one wants to live in that sub $6 a sixer range.

    you guys who pay over $6 for one beer are NUTS! Unless of course you are at a sporting event…then it cannot be avoided.

  27. HA, This is some great stuff.

    1) I full heartidly agree with molly on the beer snobs, I moved out west and FUCK all of you and your $5 wheatgerm organicly farmed recycled glass bottle high nose snobs. It’s just beer

    2) coffee people: what the hell is a half caf white soy moca late frap… is there even coffee in that.

    3)current “County” music: I got in a fist fight with a guy wearing $300 jeans, $1000 coyboy boots, and an $80 t-shirt because I said Rascal Flats was just the Backstreet boys with a little twang Nuf said.

  28. @Haley: I don’t hate anyone based on where they are from. That’s just laughable. I tend to be a misanthrope until I actually meet someone and talk to them but that’s a whole other story.

    @molly_h: Hate to rain on your parade but it ain’t a burrito without meat and they don’t contain rice. 😛

  29. I have to echo what a lot of people said already. First let’s start out with a lyric from Sloan’s “Coax Me.” “It’s not the band I hate, its their fans.”

    1) The Nazi youth who destroy shit and cause hell at Lucero shows. Last time I saw Lucero I have more beer sprayed on me than I consumed. Beer is for getting drunk, not for spraying! I’ve also seen these delinquents at Chuck Ragan shows.

    2) Have you ever met anyone as smug as a Wilco fan? In full disclosure, I have seen Wilco live three times, and they do put on a good show. But their fans are all stuck up aging hipster yuppies who live in McMansions in the suburbs. I think you can add Radiohead fans to this category too.

    3) Red Sox fans. Especially when they flood Toronto when the Sox play the Blue Jays. Massholes can’t drive for shit either, and they are always lost. More annoying than Yankees fans.

    4) Canadian hockey fans. I took so much shit when Canada beat the US in Olympic hockey. Its not my fault that Canadians only have one sport to cheer for. The US will kick your ass in football, baseball, basketball, soccer, and every other team sport. Hell, a mediocre US college team could beat the best CFL team.

    A corollary to this is Canadians who think that all Americans are ignorant, obese, gun-lovers. But I will save that for another rant.

    5) Notre Dame football fans. I once read a sports column in the Chicago Tribune that said something like, “There are more Notre Dame football fans hanging out in airport bars than there are actually alumni of that school.” Suck it, Irish.

  30. As a Wilco fan I feel the need to defend this one. It’s not just that Wilco fans are Smug. It’s that Alt.Country fans (that’s me!) are Smug and Indie-Rock Hipsters are Smug (fuck those guys!) and Wilco is the point in the Venn Diagram where they meet. It’s hard to find a Wilco fan that loves their whole catalog nowadays. And really most of the audience is busy resenting the other half of the audience most of the time.

    Also I guess I need to apologize on behalf of Mac/iPhone fans everywhere. So here goes: Sorry guys, not sure what we did, but sorry.

    😉

  31. This is a cluster fuck. I didn’t finish reading it. If no one said Red Wings fans, then I’m happy.

    Oh, and Brit, there’s NOTHING worse than Memphis hipsters. When Cory comes to ATL ask him, he’ll tell you it’s why he’s left the city he loves. Fuckers chased away the best songwriter in town.

  32. @romeosidvicious – i do occasionally order a burrito with meat, but as for the rice – we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one. my concern is generally for the condiments – i dislike salsa (any raw tomatoes, really), sour cream & guacamole.

  33. Oh, and I dislike anyone who thinks getting some bland tribal tattoo is cool. It’s not, it makes you look like and become a total douche. Thanks for helping me decide who to talk to.

  34. Nobody has worse fans than Ween. I like the music, but hate their fans. I don’t need people od’ing in front of me at shows. Visit their message board. They suck.

  35. Lemme see, howza bout:

    Reverse snobs: as in “how can you drink that beer when you could be this cheap shit and get wasted?” or “You don’t know any Justin Beiber songs? Everybody does?” Give me a break, I’m sick of shitheads proud of their stupidity. I’m stopped talking up bands, beers, etc. DECADES ago, but I still have to hear from fucktards proclaiming I must be “cool” because I don’t drink Miller or listen to Carrie Underwood.

    PC Whiners: same as above. I use Windows at work, but if I need something done fast and well, I use my Apple. No big deal, but our IT goons are aghast.

    Cub fans: Dumbasses who pride themselves on being losers.

    Cell phones jackoffs at music shows: “Hey guess where I am?” At another concert, pissing people off while you brag about the show you’re not watching.

    Chatterboxes at shows: Want to talk about your week to your buddies? Go to the fucking lobby, you narcissistic prick. Saw Hamell on Trial actually pay three jerks double their admission to leave his show when they wouldn’t shut up after he asked them to keep it down. More performers should shut down the jackass contingent.

  36. 1. Lucero Fans at their shows: I didn’t know so many white-ball-capped fraternity dudes still existed.

  37. This is a given but anyone with Calvin or Nascar stickers on their windows of their cars. Or RIP Michael Jackson with his birth/death. Hell, even the parents with all their little kids and pets on the window. Nothing says “Yes, i’m an uneducated asshole” like the Calvin stickers. As for the parents with the kids/pets… great job on letting potential child molesters know you have kids so they can follow you home.

  38. A Floridian dislikes Texans? Something seems terribly wrong with that. I guess it’s safe to say that every person from Florida I have ever met — aside from some great musicians — has been a complete meth-addled partygirl/dudebro. Still like the place though.

    And clearly you’ve been poorly educated on the Texas Revolution, as most people have. It was a continuation of the fight against the ‘Centralista’ Government of Mexico under the Dictator Santa Anna who personally abolished the Federal Constitution of 1824. The Texan portion of this rebellion just happened to be the only one that was successful. Santa Anna massacred entire cities of people in the Yucatan and in Zacatecas, but found the Texian forces’ resolve a bit more difficult to handle. It was the backsliding of the Mexican Government and the renunciation of previous arrangements by the Centralists that compelled the Texians to take up arms. It wasn’t just some American land grab or pro-slavery movement.

    Sorry to rant. It’s rare when anyone talks about the things I actually know about. Great job otherwise!

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