TOP 5: DUDE, WHAT'S THE FUCKING DEAL WITH YOUR FANS?


I was given this idea via the 9B readership and I thought it would be a fun one to do. This weeks Top 5 goes out to all those with a following so obnoxious/weird/what have you that there’s nothing you can do but avoid them. Yes, your Top 5: Dude, what’s the fucking deal with your fans. Have fun with it and don’t take it seriously enough to get offended by it! For my list, I am gonna color outside of the musical line that largely defines the site. So here goes (in an order):

5) Reverend Horton Heat: Now, I can only speak about the RHH fanbase that attends shows here in the Tampa Bay area but I have to say…they’re the fucking worst. Seriously. I’ve posted about it before and I’ll quote myself now; “Fuck you Tampa/St. Pete Reverend Horton Heat fans. As a collective, y’all suck. It’s like a fucking amateur night at the Apollo with y’all…”  There. I said it. I pretty much refuse to go to Reverend shows now cause the crowd is such a collection of can’t hold their liquor dipshits and it’s a real shame cause he brings some fantastic openers to town.

4) Juggalos: I was recently made aware of the fact that the whole “juggalo thing” wasn’t just an Insane Clown Posse thing but that there is an entire genre of music centered around Juggaloism. Also, it simply could be me showing my age that they’re included on my list but seriously…..what. the. fuck. Clowns? Fago? I dunno man. I try to be open minded but there is some shit I just can’t get….Juggalo’s you’re one of them.

3) Mac fanatic: Okay, 5 years ago this could have been Linux fanatic, when they were trying to put Linux on anything with a fucking pcb board. “Dude, check out my new electric toothbrush….I managed to get an old version of Debian to boot on it”….Now, it’s the fucking Mac jackoffs. Any mention of a computer problem on the internet brings down a chorus of “get a Mac” comments. Fuck you. Apple isn’t flawless, I have a god damned iPhone, I know. And for the record, my laptop running windows 7 has never crashed. Not once. So eat a dick. You want a closed box sold by a company that treats you like the enemy? Good for you but it’s not something you should be so smug about.

2) Texas: Okay. I’m sure Mr. Romeo is already penning a reply but hear me out. I’ve been to Texas. It’s a browner (the land, not the people) version of Florida w/Mexican food instead of Cuban food and trust me…that’s a step or two down. Your “Don’t Mess With Texas” slogan came from an anti-littering campaign and ultimately The Alamo was fought because the American’s in the Mexican owned territory believed it was their God given right to own slaves in spite of it being against Mexican law. I guess what I am saying is, its cool to be proud of where you’re from. Hell, I get it that, but you fuckers take it to a whole other level so stand down. No more, “that’s right, you’re not from Texas” until the Texans or the Cowboys win an important game.

1) Florida Gator Football: AHHHHHHH Gator fan. Fuck you. Anyone who has ever had to sit in a sports bar with Gator fan in shaking their head yes right now. There may be a more annoying football fan on earth, Philadelphia Eagle fan immediately springs to mind, but you’d be hard pressed to find one worse. These fuckers all went out and bought Denver Bronco Tim Tebow jerseys. I mean, really, what more needs to be said. They went and bought up his jersey despite not being Broncos fans so he’d have the best selling jersey. They’re ridiculous. Steve Spurrier ultimately left because of them. Even in the 90’s when FSU went 7-4-1 (and let’s be real, the and 1 was essentially a win for FSU) Florida fan was unwilling to even acknowledge that there was a team up in Tallahassee. Florida fan is a twat who can usually be spotted in Jean shorts and crocs…enjoy getting beaten by FSU and Alabama this year fuckos.

There you go. That’s my Top 5. Honerable mentions that I couldn’t include: “I can’t believe they’re remaking ________ movie from my childhood” guy, Soccer guy, Obscure music scene snob guy and Ed Hardy/Affliction/Tap Out Guy. So, let’s hear yours…

This song is included for a few reasons; (a) It allows the mp3 aggregators to pick up the post. (b) It’s freaking hilarious & (c) Tiger Woods and all his drama. It comes from Dan’s new album, Live In Los Angeles. There will be a complete write up coming in the next few weeks.

Dan Bern – Tiger Woods

THE TAKERS – TAKER EASY

Anyone who pays any attention to music in Florida has heard about The Takers at some point in the past year, and since Suburban Home picked them up the hype machine has been doing nothing but gaining momentum. By the time Virgil reached out to me with a copy of their debut album, Taker Easy, I was already wondering if they would be able to match the advance billing. Now, after spending some 2 months with the cd and managing to catch them live at the Citrus Circuit Tour, I can readily proclaim that yes, they are worthy of the hype.  Now hopefully with the cd finally coming out the rest of the country will get behind this little band from Gainesville.

The Takers are a ragtag collection of bike mechanics, cooks, restaurant managers, cashiers and recycled ink salesmen out of Tim Tebow-land (Gainesville). They came together as a band almost by accident when Devon Vlasin (singer) found himself in need of a backing band to open for an upcoming Willie Heath Neal show. A few phone calls and free beer bribes netted a temporary band that decided to keep at it after the show. After some member revisions and additions, the band finally settled in with Devon Vlasin bring joined by Chad Smith and Ronnie Holmes on electric guitars, Jerome Goodman on bass, Mike Collins on pedal steel and Jon Reinertsen playing drums.

Having caught his ear, Coody from Suburban Home’s Ninja Gun started talking them up to Virgil Dickerson who took more than a passing interest (psst: Virgil, check out Truckstop Coffee from Lake Worth). After some phone calls, the label and the band agreed that Suburban Home would put out the “Curse of A Drunk” single and that they should all meet during Virgil’s trip to 08’s Fest to discuss a future relationship. The rest, as they say, is history, and we’re now blessed with Taker Easy.

Taker Easy is, at the risk of sounding trite, exactly what I think of when I think about “Florida Country”, which is to say they’re as much rock and roll as they are shit kickers and twang. Suburban is selling the album as their “outlaw country” band, a modern version of Waylon Jennings, if you will. I’d say they have a little more rock and roll in them than that description suggests, but otherwise I have no qualms with it. I could go into long, descriptive, RIYL tangents, but why should I? Suburban Home has been gracious enough to allow us to stream the entire album here on ninebullets, so why not just check it out for yourself.  Personally I think, like me, that you’ll find Taker Easy to not only be Essential Listening, but also that it’ll probably end up being a Top 10 of the year. And as a Floridian, I am proud that these fellas are from my state.

The Takers – Curse of a Drunk
The Takers – Taker Easy

The Takers on myspace, Buy Taker Easy

STREAM THE ENTIRE ALBUM: