This weeks Rock of Love was….eh. Not terrible. Not Great. I probably wouldn’t write about it at all, but I really do need a break from fantasy football sites, so here we are.
Before we get into this week’s recap, I have learned a few things about two of the remaining girls. This is probably old news for you die-hards but it was all new to me:
First: “Blowjob” Brandi M. does porn? (NSFW Link) Really, this comes as no surprise….I pretty much assumed that all the R.O.L. girls were employed in some form of the adult industry, and yet I am a little shocked each time. To think, Sunday evening I was telling my wife that Brandi might be taking over Jes’ role as my favorite girl in the house (but not taking over as hottest…Jes owns that), and then here I am today looking at pictures of her with spooge on her face. I guess the “M” in Brandi M. stand for “money shot”. Oh well, if he is smart, that is Brett’s dick I am looking at.
Second: Turns out Lacey is the front-whore for a metal/industrial band called Nocturne. I think it’s funny that the VH1 people have made sure that they edit out any mention of the bands name. I took one for the team here folks. Yes, I listened to all the songs on their myspace profile so that you wouldn’t have to. The Autopsy report: Horrible….I’m not even saying that to be snarky…nope. It is completely generic….a cheap man’s Kidney Thieves, if I were to make a comparison.
Okay, on with the show.
This week started with the syphilis six having to make a cd cover for Brett’s new cd. Teams are: Jes, Sam and Looney Lacey versus Heather, Brandi M. and M.I.A. The deal is that they are to make a mock cover for a Brett Michael’s cd. Two girls from each team will model and the third is the creative director. Winning team models get a tandem date and the creative director gets a solo, thus setting the stage for maximum drama, and this went right where it was supposed to…bitches in their underwear gettin’ it on. Almost. Bradi’ M. decides it will be a good idea to dress as a dude. I disagreed. So did Brett. Jes, Sam and Looney win with exactly what you would expect from a collection of girls whose most creative moment probably came during a two for thirty solo dance and left a sticky spot on their inner thigh:
So Looney and Sam get to tag-team Brett, with Jes having to take it all herself. Shenanigans cries Lacey! She runs off to tell Brett the whole predictable cd cover was her idea. Doesn’t matter. She gets no solo time with the B-man. It’s her damned fault though, she showed she was willing to share back in the infamous foursome of episode two (or was it three?). Looney and Sam go to some restaurant where Sam screams that the sun is hot Lacey is a complete nut case, while Lacey is in the pisser. That date ends and the solo session with Jes involves a long motorcycle ride and ends with a suck face session on the beach. Cameras cut, Jes gets busy sucking something else. All in all, the whole date portion of this week was boring, unless we end up with some Jes taking it in the grill pics hitting Oh No They Didn’t soon.
During the dates, Brandi Moneyshot and Heather realize the stupidity of putting jeans and a fake goatee on Moneyshot, and set put to make things right before elimination. They may have been a day late and a dollar short, but what they lacked in good timing, they made up for with enthusiasm. Stripper makeup, stripper boots, no tops and a Polaroid camera…one would get the feeling they might have done this a time or ninety. Afterwards, they stick the pictures on the outside of Brett’s bedroom door. If dude had anything left in the jewels after the twosome and the solo, I’d imagine he ran a batch behind the bedroom doors.
While Brett is drooling over the pictures, M.I.A. comes out dressed in, what I assume is, the sexiest outfit she brought with her. I am sure she thinks she is hot in it, but to me she just looked like an old woman trying too hard to look young. The real bitch of it is that she ain’t even old….yeah, that’s bad….no sex, no appeal, no ass. You lose.
And lose she did. Mia gets the axe, and I’ll see y’all next week.
This weeks songs:
I know some of y’all are gonna wanna hear the horror for yourselves. Lacey’s band: Nocturne – My Bitch
They sound like a more vanilla, less talented version of the Kidneythieves: Kidneythieves – Taxicab Messiah
This track goes out to the Brandi M./Heather photo session: Spoon – I Turn My Camera On
With the relevation that Brandi M. gets paid to suck cock, I dedicate this song to her: Poison – Fallen Angel