ROCK OF LOVE 3: MUD BOWL 3 EDITION

There was no ROL recap last week. I know. I was on vacation. I could go back and recap it but really, this season just hasn’t been interesting enough to bother. Honestly, I have not even garnished enough interest in this season to bother learning the girls names yet. But, I have not grown disinterested enough to stop watching. I will say this though, Rock of Love 3 ain’t got shit on Tool Academy.

This weeks ROL was the annual Mud Bowl episode. For those that don’t know, it’s when all the strippers put on as little as possible add some knee socks, mouthpieces and a fire truck turning a field into a shallow lake and they play tackle football.

The girls break down into teams by bus. There’s the Sweethearts versus the Fallen Angels. The Fallen Angels, being what’s left of the Blondentourage with two of the new girls while the Sweethearts are the remaining brunettes. Bret explains that the winning team will get a group date while the MVP of the game will get a private date that will involve flying via private jet to Dallas and staying (read, getting punish effed in the dumper) overnight.

The game itself featured the requisite amount of nudity and the obligatory Ashleyism of the week when she drops this gem, “I am gonna do whatever it takes to win this MVP. Even if it means that I have to get my hair all muddy, so I look brunette.” Unfortunately, by the end of the game Ms. Ashley was a mere dirty blonde and Mindy wins the STD MVP.

The date involved Bret and Mindy going to a restaurant called Billy Bob’s (well, it is Texas) and then to one of Bret’s concerts which Mindy watched from side stage.

Does it seem like I skipped over the date leaving out some details? That’s been the big problem with this season. Not that I’d be foolish enough to think there is much depth to these hags but it just seems that this season been so shallow, so surface level that it’s barely worthy of the 30 minutes I spend each week typing these recaps up….but back to the date:

After the show Bret and Mindy head back to the hotel room where Mindy slips into something less classy more comfortable. A leopard print top complete with blurred out nipples, underwear, stockings and high-heels. You know, standard issue stripper costume no. 3. The VH1 friendly portion of the date ends with Bret and Mindy making out while Bret closes the door to the camera.

The group date was a dinner where Bret informed the girls that his really close soldier friend that he knew for count ’em, 3 weeks, was killed in Iraq and he’s somber. After the dinner Bret tries to steal some alone time with the ear ring faced girl. This alone time involved Bret asking her questions and her trying to comprehend his sentences and then formulate a reply. All of this just came across as dead air on TV so Bret went for the one thing he knew could do….they made out. I bet making out and blowjobs are imprinted on a whores DNA.

Elimination comes and Bret sends the blonde who’s dad just died home cause she was becoming a buzzkill.

Hopefully this season is gonna pick up…if not I feel that these recaps are gonna stop. Perhaps I’ll start recapping Tool Academy or I Love Money 2….both of which are infinitely more interesting and fun to watch.

This song perfectly captures the girls this season: Outkast – Synthesizer
This song perfectly captures my feelings towards ROL this season: Corrosion of Conformity – Stare Too Long

As a side note…this fake VH1 press release has been circulating the internet and seeing it made me realize just how bored I’ve grown with the ROL series. I do so wish this were true though…I’d DVR it and watch it numerous times a week:

PRESS RELEASE VH1/Viacom Corp. For Immediate Release Jan. 12, 2009 New Season of Rock of Love to Feature Metal Legend Glenn Danzig VH1 announced today that producers are now filming a new season of Rock of Love featuring metal/punk/horror-core legend, Glenn Danzig. The new show, which will premiere this July, is called “Rock of Love: Bride of Satan with Glenn Danzig.” Danzig is well-known in metal and punk circles as one of the founding members of 1980s horror-core punk rockers Samhain. He went on to the form hard-rock band Danzig, which scored several top 40 hits in the late ’80s including “Mother” and “She Rides.” Both a singer, songwriter and multi-instrumentalist, Danzig is also well-known for his interest in the occult and all things evil. VH1 producers stated that introducing the element of Satanism would inject new life into the Rock of Love franchise as well as reach a different audience niche — jokingly referred to by insiders as “the black market.” The new series will follow the traditional Flavor of Love/Rock of Love format with a group of 20 women vying for the affection of the celebrity musician. However, at the insistence of Mr. Danzig, the winner will enter into a legally-binding marriage with Satan in a ceremony that is sure to test the limits of basic cable censorship standards. Although network executives are keeping a tight lid on the show’s planned shennanigans, a few details have been leaked about planned challenges. These include: goat entrail soup and chili cook-off blindfolded nun deflowering contest sexy seance strip-a-thon virgin or family member: the sacrifice challenge name that heretic

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