Week in and week out I find myself in utter amazement of the complete lack of intelligence this house of strippers and silicone displays. Sometimes I try and give them the benefit of the doubt, thinking it must be editing, they can’t really be this dumb…but they are. Is it just me, or does Meagan have a perpetual look of confusion on her face? She is blank. She better pull a Heather Mills, cause once her titties sag, she’s got nothing for anyone. She and Daisy couldn’t hold a stimulating conversation with my dog and it angers me. This week, I realized I hate these girls…they have ruined season 2.
This week started off with Bret jumping in his Lamborghini and riding off into the sunset in search of intelligent female life while KJ calls up her hubby and informs him of the divorce she told Bret about back in episode 2. This leads to the first of the weekly KJ freak-outs.
Bret returns to the house just in time to tell the girls that their challenge for this week is to make videos worse than the two songs he has picked out, with the leading of the winning team getting a solo date and the other whores getting a group date. Teams are KJ, Megan and Ambre (leader) versus Daisy, Not as hot KJ (leader) and Jessica. Team Ambre draws the ballad while Team Not As Hot As KJ gets the rocker.
Team Ambre uses their team’s natural talents. Ambre films as KJ lies down on a bed and cries with Megan straddling her looking confused. Then KJ mopes around while Megan picks up a telephone and looks confused. Team Not as hot KJ goes the stripper route, complete with poles, finger sucking, fake tits and Daisy’s duck lips. Both videos suck big time, but neither are as bad as the song they are representing. Team Ambre wins based solely on the fact that is was a coherent piece from beginning to end, in lieu of the piss-poor Myspace-quality-esque hyper-spliced P.O.S. Team Not as hot as KJ gave us.
Ambre’s solo date consisted of a Bollywood version of a hippy talking about mad mountains and past lives in Bret’s room while KJ pounded on the door. Bret answers and is all “stop cock blocking, bitch” while KJ’s like, “I need to talk to you while I cry” and Bret’s totally like “get da fuck outta here”. So KJ runs upstairs to cry. Seeing his opportunity, Bret sends the Indian-Shaman guy thing off to harass KJ, leaving him and Ambre alone in his bedroom. Faces are sucked.
Ambre’s date ends and KJ’s in Bret’s room 5 minutes later to tell him that she’s decided that she’s really gonna get that divorce she told him she already was getting. Bret’s a little pissed. KJ’s drops an “I love you” which is met with radio silence. KJ is confused. I guess in playmate land, lying about a divorce falls into little white lie land. While all this KJ action is unfolding behind a closed door, Daisy, Destiny and Jessica are perched at the bottom of the stairs taking turns breaking down.
Group date is Bret, Megan and KJ. It basically consisted of Megan finally showing off her talents while KJ went away to sulk. Now I ain’t gonna lie, so long as Megan is straddling you and making out, life would be awesome with a capital schwing…the problem would be if she talked. More tonsil hockey, less trying to formulate words into sentences.
Elimination comes and we get down to Megan and KJ being the only two without a pass. Bret calls KJ down and asks her if she wants to stay. After one last cry she says she can’t…cause…you know…she has that pesky husband thing and all back in Indiana. Bret breaks rank and walks her out. After some on camera face suckage and some off camera who knows what suckage, Bret returns to address Megan, who was probably getting kicked outta the house 10 minutes ago. He basically says, “I’m heartbroken and I ain’t gotta pass for you, but I guess you get to stay. kthnkbye.”
Meagan looks confused.
Heather returns next week. Let’s hope to high heavens ROL goes Flava of Love and Heather gets to stay for real.
The Rose: She’s a Playmate
The Thorn: She’s Fucking Crazy
Poison – Every Rose Has It’s Thorn