Rock of Love 2: Fast cars and faster women edition

Ahhh. Another Friday, another Rock of Love recap. I hope somebody out there enjoys these as much as I do. Let’s get to it.

This week’s episode opened with something I do not think I’d ever seen before…Big John’s hair. Hell, I didn’t even know he had any, but there it was….free of the bandanna, free of the hat, and slicked back in it’s best Andy Garcia-like glory. Brett’s hair, however, was M.I.A.

This week’s challenge was the annual Mudball game. Same deal as last season; winning team gets group sex date, with the MVP of that team getting herpes a solo date. In the new and improved Rock of Love mudball challenge, Brett controls the weather…he can make it rain or snow whenever he wants. This makes it like a football game/wet t-shirt contest mashup, with built in nipple erecting.  Have I ever told you how much I like the way this show thinks? The teams are set, but there’s a problem- there is an uneven amount of girls, so to solve this issue the girl not chosen has to sit out the game and give up any chance for a date. Megan ends up being that girl, but she doesn’t care…she’s too fucking stupid to remember the show is about dating Brett.  The challenge involves skimpy wet clothes and your body is bangin’, but you’d rather idle on the sidelines being ignored by everyone? Yay you! You dumb c%#t. (Can you tell I seriously dislike Megan the Vapid?) In no time at all, you can tell that this game is really between Daisy and Ambre. The game goes into overtime and Ambre has the ball and is headed in for the score when the unthinkable happens…she dropped the ball! No reason, just puts the ball on the ground.  Well, Daisy shows her awesome ball hawking skills, scoops it up, licks it, blows on it a little and then heads on down for the score! Daisy wins again!

Daisy’s solo date involves her posing for Brett in various lingerie outfits, but don’t worry honey, this show is all about getting to know you ::wink ::wink. Brett finally finds an outfit he can settle on and they have dinner with Daisy in it. Over dinner, instead of showing cleavage and fondling B-man’s jewels with her foot, Daisy decides to ask questions. Brett softens. Date ends.

Meanwhile, back at the Bunny Ranch, Peyton is in a panic ’cause she hasn’t gotten a chance to connect with Brett in a “one on one way”, so she maniacally scribbles a letter for his door that essentially reads, “BRETT IT’S URGENT THAT I SPEAK TO YOU! IMMEDIATELY! PLEASE!!”  If it weren’t for the two exclamation points following the ‘please’, I would think this was insincere.  Meanwhile, Megan also pulls out her Crayolas and writes a letter of her own…complete with cut-out heart shape. She goes to put her letter on the door, notices Peyton’s, tapes hers on and tosses Peyton’s. Peyton notices this and scribbles out another one even more maniacally, which Megan immediately removes as well. Ahhhh….the simplicity of retards….It’s relaxing, like watching the tide roll in.

The group date involves girls in sexy leather driving suits driving a Lotus around a racetrack. *This* is what ROL is supposed to be about! So the girls all got a shot at driving their pushed-up leather clad double-D’s around the track sans Brett and I was a happy man. There really isn’t anything more to report here.

Back at the house Peyton, cries to Bret and Megan drops this winner, “Me and Bret have a mental…like, Superman, psychological…connection.” Again, not to go all Amy Pohler, and dude who doesn’t matter on y’all, but I’m going to…really?….psychological?…really?…can you even spell psychological?…really?…you’re a playmate…15 year olds are pausing ROL and having their own one on one time to your image and you’re gonna drop “psychological”?…really?  Follow Daisy’s lead…drop the “ologicalological” and add an “al”  Follow that with “bj’s”…and girl, your dumb ass better be good at the bj, or your future is gonna involve a cash register or a Vegas bar at 2:30 in the morning.

Elimination comes and everyone has a pass except Peyton and Daisy. I’m thinking wtf? One of these is gonna get their walking papers, while Catherine and Jessica are still around? Then Bret calls Peyton’s name and I think, “Shit! vajayjayvajayjay must stink or something!” but no…Brett pulls a fast one on us and nobody gets the axe on this night. Matter of fact, Bret tells Daisy he has saved the best for last and that Catherine and Jessica 2 will get eliminated next week.

Tight leather outfits, lingerie?: Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls
Tight leather outfits, lingerie?: Richard Cheese – Girls, Girls, Girls
Tight leather outfits, lingerie and Mudball?: Poison – Talk Dirty to Me
Fake lips, fake tits and hair extensions?: Outkast – Synthesizer