These are the facts you should know:
• There is no such thing as shitty beer, only beer you’d prefer not to drink.
• 4H Royalty is a Denver bar band that wouldn’t mind if you chose liquor over beer while they played.
• They sound like they practice.
• Their singer and guitarist, Zach, used to play pedal steel for Drag The River.
Remember that time you and your buddies were walking down the sidewalk after having more than your fair share of booze and you were talking way too much shit. Maybe it was Pete or Bobby or Lester who finally had enough of your mouth and shoulder bumped you into the wall and everyone laughed. The bumping continued until a bouncer outside a bar stopped you. The next morning it took a while to figure out why your shoulder was so sore.
Colossalalia is a lot like that night. Through the first listen or two it sounds like a bar band with a bit of twang but then later the next day you find yourself singing a few words and you have to sing for a bit before you figure out you’re singing 4H Royalty. Their songs and the pain in your shoulder are the same the thing-reminders of good and stupid times. Later, you’re in the shower and getting ready for another night on the town with Pete, Bobby, & Lester and “Walk Of Shame” gets stuck in your head. And you admit, but only to yourself, that for the right kind of girl you’d take that walk and it wouldn’t have to be far because you’ve got the number of a cab in your wallet.
Just before heading out you’re drinking a beer you’d prefer not to and Lester is talking about a girl he’d seen the night before and you remember her too. “I’d be her “Scratch and Dent Man” y’all” you say and when they ask you what the hell you’re talking about you don’t have an answer but you’re convinced you want to be one.
And you wondered if your shoulder would be the one knocking into the sides of buildings or if 4H Royalty would be playing in one of the bars you walked into. One seemed more likely than the other but whichever one ended up happening you were sure you’d be reliving it the next day.