This week’s episode opens with our groupies in the exact opposite position that they wanna be in when Bret drags them out of bed at the ass-crack of the morning…well, ass-crack for a college girl or a stripper…normal ol’ get up time for the rest of the world, to go face this episode’s challenge.

This challenge will involve our girls wrapping their legs around a muscular beast, taking control and setting a pace that will get her to the goal first. tsk…tsk…naughty mind. It’s a mini-rodeo! Featuring Rodeo, who gets about 5 seconds more camera time than Lacey did. Seriously? What’s the point? Unless Bret got one more for old times sake while off-camera, I have to wonder what the point of the cameos really is. Were the season one girls really so devoid of personality that is took an entire week to get 5 to 10 decent sound bites out of them? All that said, I forgot how nice of a rack Rodeo had. Good call on getting no less than 3 shots of it into her 15 seconds of cameo. Catherine is excited as hell about the challenge because, well, she’s 45…and playmate or not, she has a shit-ton more bareback experience than any of these hags. Teams are chosen and Megan is, once again, the last to be chosen. She rationalizes this via the following quote:

“I think that the girls didn’t pick me because they’re jealous. They don’t understand what it’s like to go through life being hot with all of the turmoil of hotness.”

That’s right y’all! No one wants her cause everyone wants her! She’s the fucking vapid playmate version of Schrödinger’s cat…and here I was thinking she wasn’t nothing but a oxygen consumer with a nice set of tits. The rodeo involves running a barrel race, roping a faux-cow and pulling bandannas off of un-faux pigs. It was exciting as an episode of Trading Spaces….Jessica throws down like a mutha and Catherine learns that really, in the end, experience does not trump youth and vigor in the Rock of Love house. She cries it out on her bed. God damn I hate crying on my reality tv.

The group date participants are Ambre and Kristy Jo, with Not as Hot Kristy Jo (Destiny), as you’ll see, just along for the ride. They all go to what has to be the most stupid restaurant idea ever, Opaque, where you eat in the pitch dark. Well, you might eat, but Bret is gonna go to third base with the KJ. So, yeah. Seriously. You are seated in, like, black hole darkness and served food.

Only in California and by “only in California” I mean “fucking stupid”. So, dinner boils down to this. Darkness….but we have night vision! What we see is Ambre and Not as Hot Kristy Jo (Destiny) eating their dinner while Kristy Joe does her best to make her own version of One Night in Paris while we watch. Bret suddenly decides to put up some resistance, so KJ decides to go to the bathroom (finish herself off)…giving Ambre her opening, and while Ambre doesn’t go to KJ molestation levels, she does make her own impression. Dinner ends with a blue-balled Bret, a soggy KJ, a satisfied Ambre and a clueless Not as Hot Kristy Jo (Destiny).

They come back from the solo date and Bret does the most obvious thing since water ran down a hill…he takes Kristy Joe, the one who gave his finger a BJ, back to his room for some 1 on 1 time….till 4:30 in the morning…they were “watching a movie”…I’m guessing it was filmed from a stationary camera sitting on a dresser somewhere. Daisy cries ’cause she isn’t included in the dance, and Catherine decides to make Bret breakfast in bed and kiss the left over Kristy Joe off his face.

The solo date with Jessica takes place in daylight and is far less interesting. So much less interesting, in fact, that the most interesting part of it was learning that Big John is a former Marine sniper. There was some kissy kissy and then the bandanna-less Big John killed them both…and deep down inside I bet this was quite satisfying.

Elimination comes and the elders get the axe. Peyton and Catherine are gone. Cheers to a hot-flash free house, and lets hope the real hoe down can now begin, ’cause I am gonna say this…this gaggle of depressed self esteem has really failed to meet the standards set by Heather, Lacey and Brandi. Hopefully, with the mother figures gone the dirt will finally rise.

This Weeks Songs:

To The Pig Chasing Girls: Elton John - Dirty Little Girl
To KJ & Brett: Thrill Kill Kult - Sex on Wheels
To Ambre & Brett: Electric Six - Danger! High Voltage
To Post-Group Date Brett: Jerry Lee Lewis - Great Balls of Fire
To The Entire House: Electric Six - Rock and Roll Evacuation

Heller; in his book, Catch 22, puts forth this scenario:

a U.S. Army Air Forces bombardier who wishes to be excused from combat flight duty. In order to be excused from such duty, he must submit an official medical diagnosis from his squadron’s flight surgeon, demonstrating that he is unfit because he is insane. According to Army regulations, any sane person would naturally not want to fly combat missions because they are so dangerous. By requesting permission not to fly combat missions, on the grounds of insanity, the bombardier demonstrates that he is in fact sane and therefore is fit to fly. Conversely, any flyer who wished to fly on combat runs implicitly demonstrated that he was insane and was unfit to fly and ought to be excused, and to be excused this person would only need to submit a request.

I am sort of in the same boat with Amie Street…I want Amie Street’s business model to succeed so I need to tell people about them but by doing so I may be making the price of the songs I want increase so I should keep quiet thus doing my part to lower traffic to Amie Street and aiding in the failure of the business model.

What’s a boy to do?

I have decided to tell y’all.

Amie Street is a legal digital music distribution service where; “All songs are initially free to download and rise in price based on popularity, up to $0.98. All songs are DRM-free mp3s.”

I’ve pulled a couple of old Cult albums (Dreamtime and Ceremony) off it for free and for a dollar and change I bought both Love and Rockets best-of album and their self-titled. They recently added “the entire catalogs of Beggars Group (XL, Rough Trade, 4AD), Matador Records and Polyvinyl Recording Co. — more than 15,000 songs.”

So check it out and increase the prices of the shit I wanna get.

The Cult - Go West
The Cult - Wild Hearted Son

Love and Rockets - Mirror People
Love and Rockets - Bound For Hell

Red Eye Junction comes outta San Luis Obispo, California and they are making music with a classic country sound that could have come out of your grandparents’ AM radio. Dr. Cain (vocals) and C.C. Ryder (bass) met where any real country band should meet, the bar. They started meeting at Buck Dylan’s (drums) house, learning the classics and writing originals. Somewhere along the road they added lead guitarist Jonny Clarke, and Red Eye Junction was born. Last year they self-released the album, Outlaws and Heroes, which has been described as, “If Hank Williams sat and worked out some songs with Waylon Jennings, they may have found something like this”.

Dr. Cain’s voice features the same nasally-driven sound made famous by one Hank Williams. For me, the cd starts off pretty slow, but really picks up after the first three tracks. If you wish you could have sat on a front porch and listened to the Grand Ol’ Opry while it was still at The Ryman, then this might be a cd for you.

Red Eye Junction - Yesterday’s Tears
Red Eye Junction - I Spit On Your Grave
Red Eye Junction - Anything But Country

Red Eye Junction on myspace, Buy Outlaws and Heroes

On Lucero’s recent stint through Florida Ben stopped in at out local community radio station, WMNF, and did some solo acoustic stuff on the Saturday Asylum show. Included in that set was a new song that I thought I’d post. I asked the band about the new album at the show Saturday night and they said they are gonna try and get it out by the end of this year.

Lucero - What Are You Willing To Lose

Hey guys…kazoo rock extraordinaries Two Man Gentleman Band will be playing New World Brewery. By all accounts of these guys’ live show it should be a hell of a time. I mentioned the show back on Valentines Day. You can read that post and listen to some tracks here.

While I am in the mode of making amends to female singers, I’d like to mention Nellie McKay’s latest effort, Obligatory Villagers. I was first introduced to Nellie by a friend of mine who introduced her to me as “the anti-Norah Jones”. While listening to her double cd debut, Get Away From Me (a play off Norah’s, Come Away With Me), I was pretty captivated.

Get Away From Me was followed by a dispute with her label, Columbia/Sony, over what the length of her next effort, Pretty Little Head, would be. The label wanted a scaled-down 48 minute version of the album, while she insisted on releasing a 23 track, 65 minute version. The dispute eventually ended with the 23 track version of the album coming out on a Columbia subsidiarity label. While I applauded her for sticking to her guns and artistic integrity, I also thought the album lacked focus and was, for all practical purposes, boring. When Obligatory Villagers was initially released in September I found no reason why I should pick it up, what the disappointment with her last album and all. Over time, though, I kept reading and hearing positive things, so I finally picked it up.

Really there isn’t anything I can say about the cd that hasn’t already been covered by pitchfork and others, so as far as a “review” goes. I will say that the cd can be a tough listen at first. It’s sort of a cabaret meets Broadway meets jazz meets pop type sound. Those that are willing to tough it out will be rewarded once they find the groove. The album is catchy as hell once you get past the fact that she does the exact opposite of what you feel like she should do 50% of the time. Give it a chance, you might be glad you did.

Nellie Mckay - Mother of Pearl
Nellie McKay - Identity Theft
Nellie McKay - Zombie

Nellie McKay’s Official Site, Nellie McKay on myspace, Buy Obligatory Villagers

Damn Erykah. After 5 years this is what you give us? W.T.F.? Man, I was so hyped when “Honey” hit the internets. Now I’ve come to find out that much like a crappy movie, the best parts of Amerykah was in the preview. I dunno, maybe I just don’t get it. If I had to describe Amerykah in a single word it would be boring because that’s what I’m getting everytime I spin this cd. It’s like a sonic meditation for the stoned or something. Maybe that’s what it takes…maybe you have to be so stoned you can’t even fathom the notion of leaning up, grabbing the remote and pressing the skip cd button. I’ll still check out pt. 2 later this year but probably not without a try before buy listen first…this effort was so poor my Erykah confidence has been shaken.

Erykah Badu - Honey

Erykah Badu’s Official Site, Buy Amerykah

A while back I wrote that as a whole I do not listen to female singers. I managed to follow that up with 5 of my next 6 pieces being about how awesome some female singer was. Therefore, I would like to officially recant that earlier statement.

Within 3 songs of Eilen’s sophomore effort, Letters from Sinners and Strangers, I knew I had to do it. The cd is perfect for damned near every mood. Early mornings, late nights, sober, buzzed, half-drunk, fully-drunk, God’s own drunk…it does not matter. The cd broods, bounces and shuffles it’s way through 12 tracks of no-skip excellence. Whether she’s providing a fresh take on an old song like Charlie Rich’s “Thanks Alot” or Dylan’s “Walking Down The Line” or fleshing out impressive originals such as “High Shelf Booze” (which sounds like it could have been played in a Prohibition era speakeasy), you get the sense that Eilen Jewell is for real and here to stay. She’s Essential Listening for sure.

Eilen Jewell - Dusty Boxcar Wall
Eilen Jewell - High Shelf Booze
Eilen Jewell - Where They Never Say Your Name

Eilen Jewell’s Official Site, Eilen Jewell on myspace, Buy Letters From Sinners and Strangers

Remember those coffee mugs I mentioned a few weeks ago? Well, that’s it in the wild. Mine showed up over the weekend. It turned out really awesome and I can now officially give it my endorsement. If this is something that might interest you (mom?) head here to purchase yours. It’s perfect for that mid-morning hot toddy. I think I am gonna buy a few and offer them up as give aways on the site.

Also, yesterday was spent making a whirlwind journey of central Florida. Looking at electrical gear and light fixtures. I am back in the office today and standard updates will commence in or around the noon hour.

Cee-lo Green - One for the Road

Up from the ashes of The Weary Boys rises, The Woodsboss. The Woodsboss features former Weary Boys; Darren Sluyter, Brian Salvi and Cary Ozanian. They are joined by Tom VandenAvond, Molly Salvi and Sean Ziggler. There isn’t too much information available at this time. There is a single song posted on their myspace profile and a few show dates in their calendar. Speaking of thier calendar…what’s that I spy? Is that what I think it is? Well shit fire! It sure is. The Woodsboss will be playing New World Brewery in Ybor on April 24. I hope the old Weary faithful come out.