Rock of Love 2: Kickin’ It Old School Edition

Jan 252008

So, I went and saw “Cloverfield” Saturday afternoon, and I would have figured the monster would have been the ugliest thing I’d see all weekend…until I remembered that Angelique the circus freak was still living in the Rock of Love House. Seriously people. I know I’m more Steve Buscemi than Johnny Depp, but this Angelique…she’s…she’s like a freaking Picasso painting come to life with lip injections. It’s seriously disturbing to look at…but I digress. Let’s move on, shall we.

This week’s episode started up right where it should have. The drunk bitch Courtney, rising from her coma to be informed that she was eliminated in her sleep last night. She takes it better than I would have thought and packs her shit, refers to herself as a dumb ass and a blackout drunk, and then walks out of our lives.

One of the things I like about Rock of Love is the fact that they make minimal effort to disguise what the show is looking for, and this week was no different with the challenge being a “talent” show…in a peep show booth. Some girls got it. Some didn’t. Some girls did kung-fu, some wrote poems, and one failed at playing the drums. Top nods, IMO, went to Kristie Joe pulling the sexy housewife gimmick by ripping her shirt off when Brett asked for more, Amber’s unwrapped herself (is Amber growing on anyone else?) and, it pains me to type this, but, Angelique. She knew what time it was. The freak show cooked some mousse, went in the booth, and promptly smeared it all over her naked titties. For the record, that makes 2 out of 2 for episodes where you see silly VH1 graphics over the place where Angelique’s bolt-ons go, and 0 out of 2 for the other girls. Booo other girls. Brett almost agrees with me, but awards the date to Amber, Peyton (who did a pretty good job singing a song…fully clothed), and Daisy the duck-lipped post op. After the show, the girls, minus the VIP brats, stay up and party with Brett…and by party, I mean listen to him sing “Every Rose Has It’s Thorn” for the first of numerous times, I’m sure. The lack of the VIP crew sorts pisses Brett off and he tells the lessers to let the VIP bitches know their shit does indeed stink and that they must redeem themselves with a…get this…old school dance-off. The typically confused blonde, Megan, tries to drop this excuse: “We wanted to get beauty sleep. We were just trying to be hotter for him, if that’s possible.” Yes honey, it is…one word: blowjob. God Damn! did these girls not learn anything from season one?

The date was the kind of shit that only flies when you’re a rock star on a dating reality show: motocross. Nothing of note came from this yawner of a date. Back at the house, the VIP’s decide to say they’re sorry with a card. Again, come on Season 2 bitches, remember Season 1? Heather and some girl I do not remember…sexy pictures taped to his door….WTF! Nonetheless, they make the kind of card you would expect your high school girlfriend to make for you and wait patiently at the door to give it to him. The not-so-important-pussy girls decided to upstage them and take seats closer to the door….this, I’m sure, is the proper foundation for future drama. HOORAY Drama! Brett gets the card….blah blah blah…off to the dance-off….the old school dance off was an embarrassment. No. Really. One girl didn’t even know what the Cabbage Patch was. The winners where Roxy the hotty, Destiny, and the ducklipped post-op.

At elimination there was a cat-spat because one of the idiots admitted she was in the house on a dare, which was immediately told to Brett, obviously. The girl was trying to say it was all a big misunderstanding, but Inna(normous) wasn’t hearing it…cue argument, tears, and one girl eliminated. Three girls whose names I never even learned get the boot and Angelique tries, so desperately, to shove her tongue in Brett’s mouth. Brett reacts with the exact amount of shock and horror any of us would if an inflated lip Picasso-esque porn queen tried to tongue rape our mouth.

Till next week here is some music inspired by the show:

Should be Angelique’s theme song: Johnny Soul – If You Wanna Be Happy
Because it made it’s first appearance of the season: Poison – Every Rose Has It’s Thorn
Come on, Bloodhound Gang basically wrote the soundtrack for a show full of strippers and whores:
Bloodhound Gang – The Ballad of Chasey Lain
Bloodhound Gang – The Bad Touch

See ya’ Later Mike…

Jan 242008

After 11 seasons of throwback, take-no-prisoners football Mike Alstott has officially called it a career.

Rock Report: Galactic @ Janus Landing

Jan 242008

Galactic recently came to St. Pete in support of their From The Corner To The Block album and brought a couple of rappers in tow. The opening act (whose name I never caught) had the misfortune of being on stage in the middle of an NFL playoff game and, judging from the density of the crowd around the televisions in the Tamiami, they were playing to an all female audience. Fortunately, the game was pretty much decided by the time Galactic took to the stage. Galactic, kicking out their signature funk-inspired sound and bringing in their own lights/light, show made Jannus a stoner’s mecca for this particular evening and, judging by the smell, they were well represented.

They brought two rappers with them; Mr. Lif and Boots Riley. I was already familiar with the works of Mr. Lif, but had never heard of Boots Riley who, it turns out, fronts the hip-hop crew The Coup. The two could not have been any different. Mr. Lif was basically a crowd killer. Nobody was feeling him and my complaints about his recorded material mirrored my complaints about his live show…too wordy. Boots was the polar opposite and easily the highlight of the show. In both his delivery and his performance, he had the crowd’s undivided attention any time he hit the stage and made a fan out of me.

Galactic – Never Called You Crazy
Galactic – Bittersweet

Galactic w/Mr. Lif – And I’m Out

Galactic w/Boot Riley – Hustle Up

Galactic, Mr. Lif, The Coup, Buy From the Corner to the Block

North Mississippi Allstars – Hernando

Jan 232008

Hernando, named after the town the band grew up in, marks the first studio release on the band’s own label, Sounds of the South Records. Enlisting their father (Jim Dickinson) to produce Hernando, the Dickinson brothers (Luther and Cody) and bassist Chris Chew holed up in Jim’s studio, “The Barn”, for the better part of a month and emerged with their best effort since 51 Phantom. As Luther Dickinson put it, “This record stands alone…we don’t draw as much on our Hill Country roots. We’re a blues rock band and set out to make a blues rock record.” I think it is their most focused, energetic and enjoyable album in years. NMA the way they were supposed to be, this is Essential Listening to be sure.

North Mississippi Allstars – Shake
North Mississippi Allstars – Keep The Devil Down
North Mississippi Allstars – Blow Out

North Mississippi Allstars’ Official Site, North Mississippi Allstars on myspace, Buy Hernando

Drive-By Truckers – Brighter Than Creation’s Dark

Jan 222008

Well, we’re finally here…Brighter Than Creation’s Dark finally gets its official release. Over the past 6 months I’ve posted track listings, live versions of the songs on said track listing, cover art (much to the chagrin of the band) and album streams.

How will Jason’s departure effect the cd? Will the album live up to the build-up or are we gonna end up with another A Blessing and A Curse? Shonna’s gonna sing? How’s that gonna work out? These were my thoughts last month as I put the cd in my stereo for the first time.

The first few times through I was only lukewarm on the album. I think this happens anytime I listen to something new from a band I really love. I’m the same way with people, leery and mistrusting until I get to know them. The album is definitely a grower though. Within a few listens, I was falling in love with tracks like “Perfect Timing”, “A Ghost to Most” and even the Shonna-fronted “I’m Sorry Huston”. “Daddy Needs A Drink” is probably one of the 5 best songs the band has ever recorded. Also, I can’t help but to think of how well Jason’s “Hurricanes and Hand Grenades” would have sounded following Cooley’s “Checkout Time In Vegas”, a song that features the Hunter Thompson-esque opening lyrics of, “Bloody nose, empty pockets, rented car, a trunk full of guns,” and has a distinctive classic country feel to it, as does “Lisa’s Birthday”.

Then, as with any good record, I got the second wave, which is where I start to realize how good songs I was originally indifferent to really are. Patterson’s diary of an opener, “The Opening Act” really fits that bill, and Shonna’s backing vocals put this song over the top for me. Even “Home Field Advantage”, a song I really didn’t even like at first, has grown on me over time. All isn’t peaches and cream though. I thought “Bob” was juvenile when I heard it on the Dirt Underneath bootlegs and the studio version has done nothing to change my opinion, and then there’s “You and Your Crystal Meth”, a song originally left off A Blessing and A Curse that should have suffered the same fate here. Finally, while “The Man I Shot” has fantastic music, Patterson’s lyrics just don’t hold up.

The band has said they didn’t intend for the album to come in so long (19 tracks, 79 minutes), but when it came time to whittle the album down they felt it was interconnected as one larger work and found it hard to trim anything, and I’m okay with that. I mean, I hate “Bob”, but I’ve already seen a review noting it as a standout track, and it’s not like putting out a 10 track album is any cheaper than a 19 track album once the tracks are recorded. I imagine everyone would agree that the album could have been a lot better and more focused had they cut 5 or 6 songs, but I doubt you could easily get a general consensus on just which tracks those should be.

In the end, Brighter Than Creation’s Dark finally allows me to view A Blessing and A Curse as a mere bump in the road instead of the beginning of the end, and it’s Essential Listening for sure.

Drive-By Truckers – The Opening Act
Drive-By Truckers – Ghost To Most
Drive-By Truckers – Daddy Needs a Drink

Drive-By Truckers’ Official Site, Drive-By Truckers on myspace, Buy Brighter Than Creations Dark

As a side note, I would like to pen an op-ed. I forget who said it, but recently a reviewer criticized Patterson’s song writing….calling him a messy draftsman and a journeyman with hooks and melodies. Basically he called Patterson a shitty song writer and I’d like to take a moment to state my views on that….Cooley is a songwriter and, IMO, a fuckin’-a good one, but Patterson…he’s not. Largely, he never has been….Patterson’s more a storyteller, and as a storyteller he’s never been much for sacrificing words for a hook. I could see where that might be troubling for some people, but I think anyone who has Great Uncles and Grandfathers who spin yarns on the front porch during family functions knows a storyteller or two.

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