Well. The USF Bulls won last night. I managed to find a fight or I should say, a fight managed to find me. No matter. It was what it was. I am about 20 minutes late leaving the house for to drive to Jacksonville fo the Florida State/Alabama game.

Why am I late? Because I had to watch these freaking videos. You should too. They are about one of my very favorite bands, Two Cow Garage and they are wonderful. I say this everytime I mention Two Cow on this site and I’ll say it again. Two Cow Garage is the embodiment of why people love rock and roll. If you can’t get behind these guys…I dunno…Watch the videos, become a fan…

Two Cow Garage: “Swingset Assassin”
Great article from Glorious Noise here.

What is Hangar 18? I quote from Ear Farm:

Behold, ladies and gentlemen, the first season of Hangar 18: the Bloggers v. Rockers Fantasy Football League. This league pits six bloggers (My Old Kentucky Blog, Gorilla Vs. Bear, Ear Farm, ninebullets, Indie Interviews, and I Guess I’m Floating) against six musicians (Tapes N Tapes, Vicious Vicious, Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s, The Muggabears, Arizona, and Mancino) in a battle to decide who amongst the twelve of us will reign supreme as the Indie Rock CHAMPION of Fantasy Football.

There wasn’t a week two update. I lost, but that’s not the reason for it. Basically work was a muthafucka, there was a brand new puppy in the house, and the wife was getting ready to leave for a week. All of that left my schedule all flamuxicated, and stack that with being at the USF/N. Carolina game on Saturday, and nothing got done. So, as I said…Margot and the Nuclear So and So’s got lucky, caught me on a down week and stole a victory and this week it was poor ol’ Indie Interviews that had to feel my wrath. Here are the results of week 3:

Ear Farm (97) bitchslapped Gorilla Vs. Bear (91)
My Old Kentucky Blog (102) bitchslapped Mancino (79)
Arizona (90) bitchslapped Tapes N Tapes/Vicious Vicious (74)
The Muggabears (115) bitchslapped Tapes N Tapes (Josh) (86)
ninebullets (126) bitchslapped Indie Interviews (112)
Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s (107) bitchslapped I Guess I’m Floating (51)

Ah yeah. Hear that? That’s the sound of Indie Interviews’ ass getting spanked like my wife on my birthday. This week the Muggabears are coming my way to get a lesson in fantasy football…This week’s leaguewide matchups are as follows:

Tapes N Tapes/Vicious Vicious (vs) Ear Farm
Gorilla Vs. Bear (vs) Mancino
I Guess I’m Floating (vs) My Old Kentucky Blog
Arizona (vs) Tapes N Tapes (Josh)
The Muggabears (vs) ninebullets
Indie Interviews (vs) Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s

And finally, here are the current standings…

1. Arizona (3-0) (I spotted them a head start)
2. The Muggabears (2-0-1) (’bout to get that first loss cause 9b.net don’t do ties)
3. Indie Interviews (2-1) (humbled…do Samurai’s still fall on their own swords?)
4. My Old Kentucky Blog (2-1) (probably still sad about the Louisville loss…here come the Bulls bitch)
5. ninebullets (2-1)
6. Ear Farm (2-1) (ninebullets > Ear Farm)
7. Margot & The Nuclear So & So’s (2-1) (you’re on my list…)
8. Tapes ‘n Tapes (Josh) (1-2) (perhaps they should watch a little more tape)
9. I Guess I’m Floating (1-2) (uhh…I think you’re sinking to the bottom of the league)
10. Tapes ‘n Tapes/Vicious Vicious (Erik) (0-2-1) (two teams…one win…for shame…)
11. Gorilla vs. Bear (0-3) (good blog…bad team)
12. Mancino (0-3) (currently Mr. Irrelevant)

Some songs:

League theme song: Megadeth - Hangar 18
Since I lost week 2 this one goes out to me: Beck - Loser
Since I did not lose week 3 this is for me: Alabama - Can’t Keep a Good Man Down
This one goes out to those Muggapunks: Ludacris - Move Bitch
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As a side note: Tampa’s own USF Bulls (#18) will be facing the couch-burning hillbilles known as the West Virginia Mountaineers (#5) tonight on ESPN2…I am blowing outta work at noon so I can start the drinking….Can USF win? Sure. They won last season in Morganstown. USF has the defensive speed to possibly slow down that WV rushing attack…This is the first step to winning the Big East…..HOOK ‘EM BULLS.GO BULLS!!!! Rage Against the Machine - Bulls on Parade

After the game I am leaving for Jacksonville so that I can watch my Florida State Seminoles play another collection of hillbillies….the University of Alabama. Despite the storied history of bothh programs this will the their first meeting ever. Hopefully, I have a good football weekend.

GO NOLES!!! War Chant

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Blanche is one of those bands…I like ‘em but I don’t really follow ‘em. You know, one of those bands where I couldn’t tell you when they have a new cd coming out or anything, but once I actually know it’s out there, I buy it.I first became aware of Blanche due to a friend on the Underground Tampa message board who introduced me to their album If We Can’t Trust The Doctors. I guess they kind of entered the mainstream’s peripheral vision when they backed Loretta Lynn on her comeback album Van Leer Rose. Anyways, I was in my local record store the other day and saw their new cd, Little Amber Bottles, on the recommended listening rack.

When I saw the title, the first thing I though of was ‘weeping bottles’. Technically called ‘lacrymatory bottles‘, they have been around since Roman times, but my knowledge of them comes from the Civil War, where Confederate wives cried into them while waiting for their husbands to return from battle. The collected tears showed how much their husbands were adored and missed.

The album has nothing to do with weeping bottles, but it does manage to sound like it came from an era when families got together and crowded around the AM radio.

Blanche - Oh Death, Where is Thy Sting
Blanche - The World I Used To Be Afraid Of
Blanche - No Matter Where You Go (featuring Isobel Campbell)

The first Blanche song I ever heard:

Blanche - Superstition

Blanche’s Official Site, Blanche on MySpace, Buy Little Amber Bottles
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I was doing some ninebullets.net calendar updating and realized I just need to quit my job…so many good shows coming and I wanna make them all so I need money…thus I need a job, but getting up at 7 am makes getting to all of these shows difficult.

Oh well. I’ll just have to suffer or get with the Lohan coke plan or something. The following shows I am already starting to rub one out to:

Who: Bryan Lee
Where: Ringside Cafe’
When: Tuesday, October 9
Why: I have been loving the live cds I have. Actually getting to see him up in suck a small venue basically guarantees an awesome time.
Sample: Bryan Lee - Gave you What You Wanted
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Who: Nashville Pussy, Hank III
Where: Jannus Landing
When: November 2
Why: I have always wanted to see Nashville Pussy and yet I’ve always managed to miss them each time through town. Then III, who is always awesome…outside of the State Theater….now it should sound awesome as well.
Sample: Hank III - Country Heroes
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Who: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Where: Jannus Landing
When: November 3
Why: Last time Black Rebel came through town I went…got ridiculously drunk prior to the show…like, hold on to the wall for stability drunk and then proceeded to watch an awesome show. I was so bummed cause I knew I was so drunk the details would be gone in the morning. Hopefully this time I won’t get so cozy with the brown bottle before the show.
Sample: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Six Barrel Shotgun
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Who: Radio Moscow and Nervous Turkey
Where: New World
When: November 17
Why: I still have a little afterglow from the last time I saw Radio Moscow…and Nervous Turkey is my favorite local band. ‘Nuff said.
Sample: Radio Moscow - Mistreating Queen
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Who: Legendary ShackShakers
Where: The Orpheum
When: November 18
Why: You have not lived a full life until you see LSS live. Period. I get excited everytime these guys come to town….Always fresh, always entertaining.
Sample: Legendary ShackShakers - Old Spur Line

I hope to see some of y’all out at a few of these. We can tell lies over a whiskey drink or five.

New York City’s A.R.E. Weapons return with their third cd, Modern Mayhem, on Defend Music. The electronics that were so prevalent on Free In The Streets seem to have taken a back seat on the new cd, but that grit from the streets feel is still there. The reduction of the keyboard and drum machines on Modern Mayhem give the cd much more of a punk feel. For myself, the more I listen to it the more this album sounds like something the Dead Milkmen would release if they were still making music. Brian’s vocal delivery even seems to pay homage to Joe Jack Talcum on a couple of tracks. Just Gimme Indie Rock did a great job summing up the A.R.E. Weapons feel, so I am just gonna quote it:

A.R.E. Weapons make music that makes you feel like a cool warrior who’s just cut the head off his mortal enemy and is holding high to triumphant cheers on the battlefield.

You really can not even put it better than that. In the coming weeks there will be no shortage of internet critics panning this cd. I am not sure why, but a lot of people out there seem to have some sort of axe to grind. If I had to venture a guess, I would go with the whole ‘the indie crowd loves to build things up to tear it down’ chain of thought. Look, don’t believe the hype. A.R.E. Weapons are an awesome band, and Modern Mayhem is 12 tracks of gritty street punk to keep you cool through the end of this summer, so make a stand. Say, “Fuck the hipsters!” and check this disc out.

A.R.E. Weapons - Sweet Jesus
A.R.E. Weapons - I Just Can’t Get Started
A.R.E. Weapons - Heartbeat

A.R.E. Weapons Official Site, A.R.E. Weapons on myspace, Buy Modern Mayhem

Well, it’s another month and that means the Lucero message board will put together another compilation. Some of the folks on the message board are deeming this THE BEST LUCERO MESSAGE BOARD COMPILATION EVAR-VAR-VAR-VAR-R-R-R-R-R. I will not take a position on said declaration. I will just say it’s another month and another wonderful collection of songs by one of the coolest message boards on the internets.

Below is the track listing including a sentence explaining why that track was submitted by the user that submitted it:

Hayseed Dixie - Ace Of Spades
“A lot of the bluegrass covers out there wear out their welcome pretty quickly, but I’ve liked this one for while now” - noteethleroy

Lifter Puller - Back in Blackbeard
“Craig Finn is fucking brilliant and it started with Lifter Puller of which I would have never heard if not for members of this board.” - JacksonDavis

Kill Holiday - You’re Taking It Well
“I love this song for lots of reasons. I liked unbroken so much, and when they were done, Steven Miller went on to make this group. Sounds like England, but from San Diego. Just listen to the words.”mattmeister

Tommy Womack - Alpha Male & The Canine Mystery Blood
“I was itching to include some of Tommy’s work since he’s a semi-local gent and a friend of mine, but a sneaky lady beat me to the punch on a previous installment. Long story short, Tommy was in a band based out of Bowling Green, Kentucky called Government Cheese back in the 80’s and that experience spawned his first book, The Cheese Chronicles. It’s an EXCELLENT read detailing the Cheese years and if you’re a musician or just a fan of music, you need to read it. After Government Cheese broke up, Tommy was in a band called The Bis-quits that put out an album on John Prine’s Oh Boy label. He’s been solo ever since (excluding the Daddy album which is a collaboration with Will Kimbrough) and this particular tune is from his newest album - There, I Said It. If you ever get the chance to see the man live, by all means, truck your ass to the show and tell him that Bone sent you.” Bonemachine

Sorta - 85 Feet
“There are some eerie parallels in this song and Carter’s(the singer/pianist) death last Monday. The song is about a Dallas woman thrown off the High Five bridge by her boyfriend, an unspeakably violent act, the result of a love affair and inexplicably strange behavior. As the song says, “”I’m destined one day/To commit a regretful action… As with any story/Many sides will be forgotten.”"- TxJim

I Can Lick Any Sonofabitch In The House - Gone
“I’ve already shared a solo tune by Mike D, so now it’s time for the very song that savagely kicked my ass and instantly made me a fan of this band. Anyone that writes a lyric like “Gone, gone, gone, outta here like Donkey Kong” is a genius of the highest caliber. I regret that I only saw them once, but they fuckin’ smoked. ICLASOBITH - RIP.” Bone Machine

Afghan Whigs - Honky’s Ladder
“One of my all time favorite bands, yet one of those bands that I seem to only go to in certain situations. Lately it’s been one of those situations. Recently had a longterm relationship end and it’s funny how many of my “friends” are going after my ex as if they are auditioning for Shark Week.” Jacobe

Sunday Valley -I Wonder
“Magpie gave me this track on a mix last spring…I was sucking wind through a rough patch then and this song will stay with me forever.” JacksonDavis

William Whitmore and Jenny Hoyston - Marrow
“raw, lovelorn duets with jenny hoyston. pickin’, back porch, whiskey drinkin’, boot stompin’ songs. i want someone to sing this song to me. with a banjo. on the back porch, full moonlit sky, with a bottle of moonshine and crickets chirpin’ in the background. does anyone else know what i mean? and just like any will whitmore song, it, of course…. leaves you wanting more.” - Lostar

Mason Dixon Disaster - Southbound
“Rumor has it that they have already written a bunch of new shit for the tour in October with The Wading Girl…go see them…hearing this songs reminds me she’s been radio silent on the board mostly of late…” - JacksonDavis

Lagwagon - Whipping Boy
“We had a cover of Whipping Boy on the last comp, and I thought it fair that everyone should get to know the original as well. This is the same album that has the bad ass cover of Brown Eyed Girl, which I might have to submit next month.” stucky

Chad Rex & the Victorstands - Mile Marker Town
“I never see Chad Rex’s name mentioned over here in Lucero-ville so I figured I would submit one of his songs. Chad was in Armchair Martian in the early days with Jon Snodgrass of Drag The River fame.” - DownSouth

Fake Problems - Born & Raised
“This band is equal parts Against Me!, Whiskeytown, Two Gallants and a million other amazing bands…only in one small rag tag group of young guys. This band is yet another amazing act releasing records on Sabot Productions. Go buy it. On Vinyl.” - Jacobe

Ha Ha Tonka - St Nick on the Fourth in a Fervor
“Nationalism, religious allegiances, and rites of passage. “It’s an attempt to point out the fallacy of wrapping yourself in the flag, religion or worse yet, both at the same time.”-Bloodshot
I just like how he says “brill-yownce”" - TxJim

Tom Waits - Get Behind The Mule
“My brother’s endless quest to get me digging this guy may be near an end” - noteethleroy

Pink Floyd - Biding My Time
“Throw out everything you know about Pink Floyd with this track off their Relics album of b-sides and unreleased songs. It starts off slow and bluesy and ends in a head banging crescendo. No space cadets here.” stucky

Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
“i was driving to work today and this song started playing on the ipod and, honestly, i have no idea where i got it. but, it’s been on almost constant repeat since this morning. i’m loving the instruments, the lyrics, the imagery, everything. it hit me like a ton of bricks. i really just can’t stop listening to it- maybe it’s my mood. thought i’d share it… unless, of course, i got it from someone on the board. in that case, i apologize.” - Lostar

Ryan Adams - Nervous Breakdown (Black Flag)
“One of my favorite songs being covered by one of my favorite artists. Adams’ takes away the feedback and aggression of the original, but keeps the urgency of it alive. This is kind of a perfect combination of punk rock and the more americana sound most of us on the board love. Go out and buy The First Four Years by Black Flag today, you’ll be a better person for it, promise.”

Centro-Matic - Silver Plate Complaints
submitted by Maxsleeves

Rick Barton & The Shadowblasters (two selections) - American Rock Song - 1) The Poison….. 2) A Dime
“Rick Barton is an original member of Boston punk rockers the Dropkick Murphys, he left DKM after their 2nd album in 1999. This record was a well kept secret, it came out in 2002, and I am a big fan of the Murphy’s and never even heard it existed until last year.” DownSouth

Huey Lewis and the News - Bad is Bad
“I told you folks I was submitting it this month. I ain’t gonna lie though, when I was a kid I totally rocked it with the “Sports” cassette in my little portable radio with the one big speaker. I used to be so bummed out that Tampa was not mentioned in Heart of Rock and Roll.” Autopsy IV

Steve Earle - Here I Am
“My favorite Steve Earle song, and the one I quoted in that Branan thread. It also has a connection to The Asskickers, the reason I bought this album was because they were covering this song at damn near every show for awhile.” - noteethleroy

Marconi’s Radio - Secret Machines
“Cuz I like it, dammit.” stucky

Drivin ‘n’ Cryin - Scarred But Smarter
“No matter how bad I may feel on any particular day, this song always seems to kick my ass. This live version is especially delightful and tasty.” Bone Machine

McCarthy Trenching - Cold Comfort
“This song is my current obsession. It has such a classic country feel to it….” Autopsy IV

Backyard Tire Fire - Tired of Being Tired
“i’ve become slightly obsessed about BTF. (and i’m sure a bunch of y’all already know who they are already, but…) bluesy, folk, country, alt, rock…. whathaveyou. this song is a good one to get the point across. a good bunch of guys that play great fuckin’ music, in my opinion. but, who listens to me, anyways? besides…. i’m tired of being tired, too.” - Lostar

Electric Six - Dance Commander
“The wench and myself recently bought Boogie for the Wii….for those that do not know, Boogie is a dancing/karaoke game for the Wii. Well, I have been killing it! I coulda shown Brit Brit a few really sweet steps for her VMA debacle. That said, lately while waiting for the game to load I’ve been singing this song to Erin.” Autopsy IV

Seaweed - Card Tricks
“Songs from the pacific northwest and autumn are perfect. this song reminds me of the most comfortable flannel shirt i ever owned, and seeing seaweed with quicksand a zillion times in 1995.” - mattmeister

Texas Is The Reason - Antique
“i need to be this far away from you to understand that i can do this. you act like i don’t know my own way home” - mattmeister

Last Town Chorus - Modern Love (Bowie Cover)
“I really dug last month’s contribution of Dollar Store covering Cher’s song, “Believe”, so I’m sending three cover songs for this month.” - Girl Named Go

The Meat Purveryors - S.O.S (ABBA Cover)
submitted by Girl Named Go

Paul Westerberg and The Painkillers - I Think I Love You (Partridge Family)
submitted by Girl Named Go

You can download the entire thing here.

The poster DownSouth from the Lucero message board pointed out this collection today and I figured I’d relay it to you folks:

Playlist: Uncle Tupelo
Description: Assortment of Uncle Tupelo and pre-Uncle Tupelo videos (The Primitives). 1985-1994
From: PantsElderly
Videos: 14

Watch Here 

Last fall, I mentioned that as the days shorten and weather starts to turn I find myself nostalgically digging for those ol’ Concrete Blonde cds. A while back in my internet travels, I saw that Johnette was releasing a solo album this fall and I thought about how perfect the timing was gonna be. I was gonna be able to get my Concrete Blonde nostalgic fix and listen to some new music…all at the same time. Also. a few weeks back I mentioned that Ms. Siouxsie Sioux was also about to release a solo cd this fall. I did not think too much about this at the time…I was a fringe Siouxsie and the Banshees fan, and didn’t figure I would actually hear the cd any time in the near future. Little did I know that the wife was a big fan and the notion of 24 hours passing after Mantaray’s release without multiple listens was just inconceivable.

Well, the shadows starting getting a little longer the other day, so I decided to go pick up Johnette’s solo disc for a ‘beers on the porch while the dogs play’ listening session. First impression…utter disappointment. Johnette’s voice, so powerful during Concrete Blonde, comes off sounding tired and haggard. The songs lack punch and end up just being boring. I dunno why, but to me it seems that anytime Johnette makes anything outside of the Concrete Blonde envelope, it falls waaaay short of my hopes and expectations, and I end up tossing the cd, despite having wanted nothing more than to like the damned thing. See: Vowel Movement and Pretty & Twisted. It really makes me wonder how big of a role James Mankey played in Concrete Blonde’s writing process. Oh well, I still have Free and Mexican Moon for those fall evenings.

Johnette Napolitano - Save Me
Johnette Napolitano - Poem for the Native
Johnette Napolitano - Everything for Everyone

Concrete Blonde - Jenny I Read

Johnette Napolitano’s Official Site, Johnette Napolitano on myspace, Buy Scarred

On September 10, I did what a good husband is supposed to do and I spent my lunch hour at the record store picking up Mantaray for the wench my lovely wife. Over the next few days I got to listen to it….whether I wanted to or not. It played on the living room cd player. It played in the car. If we were together, I was listening to it. Turns out, no matter how much I wanted to dislike this cd (don’t ask why), I couldn’t. I was expecting a lame effort at remaking a glory many years past. What I got was the album I was hoping for from Johnette. Ten tracks of pounding beats, dirty guitars and just enough of a punk spice to the pop to remind you this is still Siouxsie-freaking-Sioux…An album that will find a home in the goth clubs with tracks like “Here Comes That Day,” and will still also be able to take root in the fratboy clubs with tracks like “Into A Swan.” Siouxsie hits a home run with her solo debut. I can’t wait for the remix album!…There BETTER be a remix album!

Siouxsie Sioux - Into A Swan
Siouxsie Sioux - Here Comes That Day
Siouxsie Sioux - If it Doesn’t Kill You

Siouxsie Sioux’s Official Site, Siouxsie Sioux on myspace, Buy Mantaray

Well, it’s been 365 days and some 404 posts. Pretty cool if you ask me. I wasn’t really sure what I was doing when I started ninebullets, and I’m not too sure I know what I am doing today, but here we are nonetheless. I know about three months into the site I got really discouraged and put some serious thought into just quitting this whole blog thing. I am glad I stuck it out, though…hopefully over the past year you have found some cool music via this site and hopefully we’ll be able to do this again next September. For me, I am going out tonight to drink a good dose of whiskey and plaster some ninebullets.net stickers on some shit. In the coming weeks, be on the lookout for a site redesign and a new sticker design. The original intent was to have it all set to launch today, but the days just aren’t as long as they used to be.

See y’all next week.

To commemorate the day I am gonna post the song this site is named after:

Drive-By Truckers - Nine Bullets

Concrete Blonde - Happy Birthday
Combichrist - Happy Fcuking Birthday

Fresh off a trip from Vegas, Brett and his threesome are back at the Rock of Love house (party trivia: it was also used in America’s Top Model one season) and Brett has a surprise for the harlots.

How any times have you looked at thee girls and thought to yourself, “I bet their daddys are real proud of them.” Me? Well, the phrase ‘if I had a nickel for every time’ comes to mind. Well, this week is parents week! YAY! The loins that created these sexpots enter the ROL mansion.

First come Heather’s parents. As one would expect…pure ‘neck. A momma who does her shopping at Mervyns and a good ‘ol boy poppa from Florida. Ocala region would be my guess. They are proud as shit of their daughter…and why not? They are coming from a background where most girls are pregnant by sixteen….beaten and divorced by 20 and have three babies by three, maybe two, different daddies by 30. A fake tan with titties and hair-color to match is the Southern equivalent of success. All snarkiness aside, though, Heather really grew on me throughout this episode.

Next to arrive are Jes’ parents. A short fatty for a mom (red flag anyone?) and an oddly inappropriate dad…seriously, do all dads talk about their daughter’s tit size with their daughter’s dates? My assessment: the mom is a stay at home mom who never misses an episode of Oprah or Dr. Phil and drowns her unhappiness in primetime programming and book of the month selections. The dad works and spends his home time in the computer room rubbing one off to Suicide Girls and has probably fantasized about his daughter once or twice and drowns his unhappiness in a four-Manhattan-a-night habit. psst: hey jes, your titties are fine.

Then finally, the ones we’ve all been waiting for show! The Queen Bitch’s parents arrive. When we first meet them, they just seem like normal parents, but we do learn that Brett and Lacey’s pops met many years ago on an airplane flight. Wtf? How do people remember past last month? Ahh….but looks can be deceiving.

This episode’s game- take the girls out separately with their parents….in the order they arrived.

Bret, Heather and the ‘rents go to lunch at…and I am dead fucking serious here….the. coolest. restaurant. ever. This place had a mechanical bull in the middle and this gigantic beer bong thing at the end of each table with a tap so you can fill ‘er up till it’s empty. Seriously….if I am ever in California (god forbid), I’m going to this place. 100% ‘neck for the ‘neckiest folks in the house. Heather’s Dad tells a fart joke, Heather rides the mechanical bull (even Hellen Keller saw that coming), and they drain the beer bong. Again, maybe it’s my ‘neck-isity accompanied by my redneck upbringing, but this episode really put Heather on my good side.

For the next date, Bret, Jes and her folks head off to a “rock and roll fashion shop” for some costume play. FTR: In my opinion nothing could be less rock and roll than a “rock and roll fashion shop”…color me an elitist but seriously….there was nothing to this date…it made for poor television….but! The group did nothing to really embarrass itself.

Off to Lacey and her parents. Dinner…at a place called “Eat”…so fucking L.A. I wanna walk outside and slap a yuppie as I type the name. Nonetheless, we quickly see where Lacey gets her “entitlement” from. The dad just goes into Bret like it’s an interrogation. Unreal, the highlight being this exchange:

Brett: Is there some kinda hot sauce on those fries, or is it just my tongue that’s on fire?
Asshole pops: I think it’s all the lies you’re telling.

Think it couldn’t get any worse than that? WRONG! At one point during the dinner, Otis, Lacey’s pops, tells Bret that in order to marry his pretty princess, Bret will need to sign a pre-nup. Cause, you know, Otis is loaded. WHA? HUH? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay, outside of the fact that Bret is, you know, cheesy band or not, a very successful rock star…NEWSFLASH: Otis, your daughter is a whore….Bret ain’t gonna marry her…whores get herpes, not husbands…end of story…Otis just don’t know….tha’sall’right though….Heather ’bout to let a muthafucker know…

The plan was to have a group dinner that night. Group dinner turned into ‘if there’s a fan in this house, it’s about to have some shit on it.’ So all the way up ’til now, one thing is obvious, Lacey’s parents have no idea who she is and Lacey is totally playing the ‘I’m a pretty pretty princess’ role. So, prior to dinner, Heather pulls out all the dirt and tells her own parents everything that’s been going on in the house in preparation for the best dinner EVAR!

Dinner comes and it is the beginning of the Heather’s ’show the other side of Lacey to her parents’ expose. The point here being that Lacey’s parents think she is a good girl who only knocks over a few beers once in a while. “Isn’t it true you knocked over 40 bottles in Vegas?” asks Heather. Lacey does not deny. My note: 40 bottles? Jeeez! Lacey’s step mother pulls the eject ribbon, but this is obviously just the start to the weekend. The next day comes around, and in typical Lacey fashion we find her doing damage control with Bret, but it looks like the bitch done lost her mojo. Oh yes. Heather is on the balcony above listening to the entire thing. Heather confronts Lacey with, “I hear you talking shit about me, you master manipulator.” Lacey drops “sweetie” a few times, which pisses Heather off even more. Heather drops a “bitch” and a “whore” Ding ding! They separate to their corners for a moment…Heather vents to her folks…Lacey does damage control to her pretty little princess facade.

Round 2: Knockout blows are landed. Oh yeah, Lacey comes out with her counter punching style and gets caught by some hay makers. First Heather lands “Your daughter is a slut!” on Lacey’s Dad, which stuns Lacey just long enough for Heather to drop the knockout blow…“You’ve done all the sexual shit with Bret…I saw you suck his dick up there last night”

T.K.O.

Lacey’s creepy old man tries to talk about it to Bret later, but it’s all over…the witch is dead.

Lacey is eliminated and we move on to the final episode.

This Weeks Songs:

This one goes out to Lacey: Ding Dong
Otis, get a clue…this one is for you: Dr. Dre - Housewife
The parents came to the house…you know what that means: Electric Six - Naked Pictures (of your mother)
Bret and Heathers song: Unknown Hinson - Barbie-Q